Phillips's Anatomy
by phantomwriter05
Summary: Sarah and John have never had a normal Mother/Son relationship. So when she finds out one of John and Camerons secrets, you can bet they don't handle it in a normal or rational fashion. Crack fic. Jameron Sarah/Derek
1. Chapter 1

**yes this is a crack fic **

**it was written on the fly so I'm sure there are mistakes.**

**but try to enjoy anyway ;)**

**Anatomy of a Maternal Relationship**

Sarah came into Johns room where he sat feet up on the desk pondering something in the text book in his lap.

"Whats on your mind" Sarah asked sitting on his bed.

"Anatomy finals." John said lost in thought.

"You worried?" Sarah asked with a smile.

"Sort of, Cam won't help me study." John said lost in thought.

"Really!?" Sarah said sternly causing John to snap out of his daze.

"Wait it's not like that!" John said jolting to much and falling backwards.

"So, she helps you study "anatomy" does she?" Sarah said standing up. John got to his feet as Sarah stormed to the door. John ran for the doorway tackling Sarah to the ground.

Both struggled with one another slapping and pulling one another's clothing. Finally John got lose of Sarah's grip long enough to crawl to the hall.

"CAM RUN!!!" John yelled as Sarah got to her feet and made for the hallway. John once again tackled Sarah pinning her to the ground ripping her shirt in the process.

Derek came out of the bathroom cleaning his wet hands with his shirt. He paused for a moment watching the two fight before stepping over them and down the stairs.

"RUN!!! CAMERON RUNAWAY!!!" John shouted before she grabbed his hoody and flipped him on his back. with Sarah sat on his stomach looking at him darkly from above.

He heard Sarah make a gurgling noise with her throat before a string of thick saliva dangled above Johns face.

"Call to her" Sarah said as the thick string inched closer to his face.

"No!" John protested in a half grossed out half scared voice.

"Call to her!" Sarah warned lowering the string further.

"Oh god... No!" John closed his eyes, and turned his face as it was about to touch his eye

DING DONG

Sarah and John looked at each other as the door bell rang.

"Truce!! For the love of god! Truce!" John begged

Sarah sucked up the saliva.

"Fine truce but this isn't over!" Sarah said smacking him to which he returned the favor.

The two began to slap each other until the bell rang again

"Truce!" the two yelled at each other.

There was a pause between the two before both raced down the stairs for the door.

**To be continued**


	2. Anatomy of a Neighbor Relatioship

**Anatomy of a Neighbor Relationship **

John and Sarah pushed and pulled on each other as they stormed down the stair case. John tripped and rolled the last quarter of the way down landing on his side. Sarah Jumped over him, But John snatched her boot making a shoe string tackle, landing Sarah right on to her chest.

Huffing, John literally crawled over Sarah to the door but was stopped as Sarah turned over and bear hugged him.

"Is this a bad time?" Kacy asked from the door way.

John and Sarah looked up to see that in the heat off there "Mortal Combat" Derek had decided to get the door. Exposing there somewhat gossipy next door neighbor to John on top of Sarah with his head pushed down into her exposed satin Bra.

"Uh … no, not at all." Sarah breathed as both Connors trying to get to there feet and out of the awkward and slightly illegal position unsuccessfully several times. After several moments both John and Sarah where standing next to one another with creepily normal faces.

"What's on your mind?" Sarah crossed her arms over her chest covering her under garment.

"… I saw Cameron running and I thought something was wrong." Kacy explained still feeling uncomfortable.

"No, everything is good here … everything is fine. How are you?" John stuttered out, ending with a charming smile.

"Fine …" she answered looking at Derek with a weird face.

"Okay then … well it was nice seeing you." Derek said with a fake smile closing the door.

"Oh one more thing … where did Cameron run off too?" Sarah slammed her hand on the closing door with a menacing thud.

"I think it was …" Kacy began to point to a direction.

"Humana, humana, humana, humana …" John interrupted Kacy and walked out the door placing an arm around his neighbor's shoulder. "You know what we need?" John announced to everyone.

"_A therapist?"_ Derek mumbled.

"No … A gets to know you day … you know where we hang out and … you know … get. To. Know. You." John fumbled with the last statement.

"Oh John, I think Kacy is just to busy to do that …" Sarah said with a sickeningly sweet voice snatching the teen by the scruff of the neck and pulling him in front of her.

"You know that would be great! You, me, your mom, and Cameron, just hang out for the day that sounds kind of nice …" Kacy smiled after a moment.

"_And Cameron_, don't want to forget ole Cameron … Cammy … Cameroon … Cammy cakes." John began to list off.

"We get it!" Sarah snapped shaking him slightly by the neck.

"You know Saturday works for me if you guys aren't … you know, busy with things …" Kacy pieced out as she watched John began to do something to Sarah from behind his back making Sarah turn red and grip harder on John's neck.

"Sounds good"

"Awesome"

Both said in a high pitched painful voice as both where almost apple red.

"I'll walk you out." Derek smiled sheepishly ushering Kacy out of the doorway. He closed the door quickly as possible without looking suspicious.

"Should I be worried for them?" Kacy asked Derek with a frown.

"Them … no, there just really close, you know." Derek covered

"_Where are you hiding Satin's whore!!" _Sarah's voice echoed form inside the house.

"_SHE WON"T COME BACK__**!**__" _John's yelled back in defiance.

"_I can do worst then saliva!" _ Sarah called.

"…_oh god … Put that back on!" _John cried out like he was on the rack. Kacy scratched her neck and looked at Derek who closed his eyes for a moment.

"Theirs is a loving relationship …" He motioned her to the driveway out of earshot.

_**TO BE CONTINUED …**_


	3. Anatomy of a fax Sibling Relationship

**Anatomy of a (fax) Sibling Relationship**

**Saturday**

It was strange day already and the morning coffee wasn't even brewed.

It had been snowing all night and from the reports of the early morning news shows the entire city of Los Angeles was now under a foot of snow.

It was an almost typical day in the Connor house though. Derek sat at the kitchen table watching the news, Sarah was still asleep, and John was in the shower.

Derek was about to pour some cereal when Cameron came into the house. She was dressed in a nightgown and had a bucket in hand. Her skin looked pale and her nose was red.

"Good morning, Derek." Cameron said in passing.

"Morning …" Derek frowned watching the machine walk in a B line for the bathroom holding a bucket. When she opened the door Derek could here John humming some song over the rushing water. Cameron went in and closed the door behind her.

Derek was a bit confused as too what Cameron thought she was doing. He was under the impression that maybe it had something to do with her and Sarah's talk the other night.

"**SON OF A MOTHERLESS BASTARD!!"** John shouted at the top of his lungs. Cameron came out of the bathroom with a much lighter bucket and a roll of clothing under her arm. She shut the door and walked away up the stairs.

KNOCK, KNOCK

Derek had a slight amused look on his face as he went to get the door.

There was a commotion up the stairs before Sarah came rushing down behind Derek in Tank top and panties with a Glock in hand.

John rushed out the bathroom door with a towel wrapped around his waist and snow stuck in his hair.

"What the hell! Who took my clothes!?" He shouted through a sneeze.

What happened next was what John Connor would call "the story of his life."

Sarah in her haste to protect John didn't expect her half naked protectie to be her speed bump. Like a bowling ball to a pin, Sarah crashed straight into John, tackling him to the ground.

There was a quiet moment of painful recovery as Sarah and John groaned in a dazed confusion.

"I can _**so **_come back later." Kacy said with embarrassment, as she stood next to Derek watching a half dressed Sarah on top of a mostly naked John.

"…. Oh god!!" John stiffened seeing a panty clad Sarah on top of him

"What's going on, are you hurt?" Sarah asked with worry.

"No, but my sanity must have left me in the middle of the night." John slid Sarah off him and made a slow and dazed march up the stairs. "It didn't even leave a note."

Sarah watched him feeling a strange unnatural feeling herself.

"So … hungry?" Derek asked Kacy.

"Ummm … sure." Kacy frowned as Cameron came down the stairs with a laundry basket of clothing which didn't belong to her.

"Good morning Kacy." Cameron smiled at her with a girly and heartwarming grin that cut away some of the awkwardness of a half naked Sarah going up the stairs with a wet tank top and a strange look on her face.

"Morning sweetheart …" Kacy smiled at first until Cameron opened the window and tossed the clothing out into the snow.

"I think today is going to be fun." Cameron said as she hid the basket and tried to engage Kacy in conversation.

"Yeah … you know there where some great places I wanted to go, but I think we're going to stick to indoor activities." Kacy sighed disappointedly.

"We can go to the movies … I heard they're quiet pleasurable?" Cameron said with an almost child like excitement.

"Wait … you've never been to a movie?" Kacy asked with shock.

"No …" Cameron said with a hint of discomfort.

"Where the hell are my clothes!?" John came down the stairs in a towel. Cameron gave him an innocent shrug. John paused as he looked into Cameron's eyes.

"Bullshit." John deadpanned.

"John I didn't take your clothes." Cameron smiled charmingly.

"Right …" John trailed off as he saw the cracked window. "You are so dead!" John rushed to find all off his clothing scattered on the side lawn. There was a moment of silence as the group contemplated things.

Then in a shot Cameron made a human yelp and took off up the stairs with John hot on her heels. Derek and Kacy listen to the commotion of thuds and shouting that shook the dinning room chandler.

Finally, there was an opening and closing of a door.

Then a pause

Then a door opened again.

"… _**John Connor!!"**_ Sarah's voice was loud and shocked like he walked in on something he shouldn't.

"_**No!" **_John sounded strangely like Luke Skywalker after Vader's reveal.

He came down the stairs stumbling with his hands over his eyes like he was shined with a flashlight. Not going any further, John sat on the steps.

Pity overtook Derek and he climbed several steps.

"Hey kiddo you want me to go grab your clothes for you?" Derek offered the clearly shell shocked young man.

"That would be awesome, Derek." John said in a quiet voice. Derek nodded slapping his nephews arm.

As Derek grabbed his jacket Cameron's voice echoed down the stairs.

"Hey Mama's Boy … Antigone called, she want you to come back home … she misses her daddy."

***

Sarah felt a strong sense of what it feels like to be normal as she drove the blue jeep down the snow covered freeway, conversing freely and even laughing with a normal human being that had no idea about Machines, Skynet, and war. As she laughed she took a look in the rearview mirror and immediately felt guilt as she knew John was feeling anything then less then normal.

John sat with is chin propped on his elbow staring at nothing as he tried with every fiber of his being to ignore the slim well manicured silky smooth finger stuck only centimeters from his five o clock shadowed cheek.

"I'm not touching you." Cameron said in an obnoxious cutesy voice as she continued her torment that was now past the twenty minute mark.

Sarah felt guilty as she might have miscalculated the degree of which she wanted to get back at John. She would admit that she had talked to Cameron and she would fess up to maybe telling her that she was the worst infiltrator of all time, because she was acting like John's wife instead of his annoying twin sister.

But as she watched John make a defeated sigh, she might admit that she had done the equivalent of launched a nuclear warhead at a motorist that cut her off.

As Cameron began humming the wheels on the bus into John's ear for the umpteenth time, maybe the punishment didn't fit the crime.

***

"I want to watch twilight."

"Well I don't."

"But I do."

"Then go. I'll go watch something else."

"But, I want you to come with me."

"I just said no."

"John, You're coming with me and that's all there is too it."

Sarah and Kacy watched Cameron and John go back and forth as they stood in the theater lobby.

Sarah had to admit Cameron was doing an amazing acting job as a spoiled teenage girl that liked to get her way.

"You know I don't know how you did it?" Kacy sighed.

"What's that" Sarah turned her back to the teens.

"How did you get them to be so close?" Kacy asked with a fond smile.

"Well … you know what they say about twins … right?" Sarah lied with a shrug.

The two women became oblivious to Cameron tackling John to the ground and pinning him.

"Say it; say you'll go with me to the movie." Cameron was emotionlessly ruthless in tone.

"No … I hate teen dramas." John grunted embarrassingly as he could feel the entire lobby looking at them.

"Say it"

"No"

"Say it!"

"No!"

"Fine … I'm sorry John, I love you … but you leave me no choice." Cameron said darkly with sympathetic eyes.

"Oh hell no!" John struggled as Cameron gurgled her throat.

***

"You know Cameron … you might want to dial it down a notch?" Sarah said awkwardly.

"But, you are the one who said that my infiltrations skills are lacking, so I compensated to fix said problem." Cameron said in an almost insulted tone.

"Yeah, I know … but there is such a thing as _**over **_compensation." Sarah motioned to John, who with Kacy's and a napkins help where cleaning the synthetic saliva off his cheek.

"My research suggests that Sisters in age ranges from twelve to eighteen live to annoy and torture there brothers. Is that not accurate?" Cameron tilted her head.

"I guess …? Look why don't you try being something else, other then the spoiled brat?" Sarah implied.

"… His mentor?" Cameron asked.

"Yeah, that'll be fine." Sarah said walking back to John and Kacy.

"You ready to see Vampires?" Kacy said with a smile.

"Sure …" Both John and Sarah said with tight faces.

Giving there tickets to the usher they walked down the narrow carpeted hallway.

Just then a beautiful feminine figure jumped on John's back.

"Ah! What in the …" John called supporting both weights.

"A Jedi must feel the force following around him, in the movie posters, in the popcorn cornels, in every living thing." Cameron said in a wise voice.

Sarah felt warmth inside her, because for all the crap that she had put John through today. He laughed a real heartfelt laugh at Cameron's mundane wisdom.

***

Sarah walked down the hall way of there home to say good night and to apologize for her part in the torturing.

Sarah opened John's door quietly as possible.

Her grip became so hard she might have crushed a weaker doorknob.

She watched John lying on his side spooning with Cameron who had an unmachine like smile on her face as he kissed her neck.

Sarah wanted to yell, she wanted to blow away the terminator in her baby's loving arms. But that would make him only fight her harder.

What Sarah Connor was going to do was so drastic, so unbelievably insane … she might end up in Pescadero … again.

**OH SNAP...!!**

**Happy Thanksgiving peeps ;)**


	4. Anatomy of an Uncle Relationship

**Anatomy of an Uncle Relationship**

Derek sat at the kitchen table like he did every morning. He would read the paper or watched the news. Then once John got into the shower he would pour cereal and have breakfast with his nephew before school. It was quiet and usually filled with tired grunts or small talk about the weather or baseball, but it was relationship that he liked and it made him feel like apart of his nephew's life.

Once John left he would have coffee with Sarah. It was also a quiet experience that didn't really involve words, but the difference was that no matter where he was in the house that morning she would seek him out and sit or stand next to him and have her coffee or breakfast. Derek at first was a bit puzzled by it, but eventually he couldn't help but feel a small sense of happiness at someone wanting sometimes needing to spend time with him and just like John … it made him feel apart of something. It also sparked something deep in his stomach and his heart when she would sit close to him or occasionally lean into his shoulder while they watched Television at night when there was nothing left to do but relax.

Derek watched Cameron reset the dinning room for the seventh time in a very unmachine like nervousness, smoothing her curled hair that she must have spent all night working on and brush something off her pretty lacy skirt before once again checking to see if the cereal was angled just right.

While he waited for John he entertained himself by sitting in the spots where Cameron set the bowl and cereal box. He would wait till she reset everything just the way she wanted it, then go and sit in the chair in front of the setup. Derek tried not to crack up as she took things he could only imagine where for John and start the process over again.

They spent a good fifteen minutes in there methodical chase around the dinning room before Cameron decided to leave. Derek gave her a Shit-eating grin when she returned as he poured himself the cereal meant for John, in the bowl meant for John. Cameron set down the classy looking pitcher of milk on the table and gave the Soldier a flash of anger before stalking away.

"You might want to put a coat over that pretty get-up its cold out, homemaker Barbie." He chuckled to himself, though he wasn't sure if he imagined the machine giving him the finger.

Derek was thinking about asking Sarah if she would like to help pick out a Christmas tree, but he was sure that conversation was going to have to wait as he heard John's voice echo through the house.

"_**You have so crossed a line!!" **_

***

Derek walked causally up the stairs to see his nephew running hundred miles an hour, but funny enough he was hardly making it out of his room. He tried not laugh and keep a straight face at the almost comedic scene in front of him.

"John … _gah_ … John, slow down!" Sarah's voice was grunted and coming from the inside his room.

Suddenly humor turned to disbelief as he spied a metallic band wrapped around John's right wrist. The short metal chain was straining as Sarah came into view, being dragged out of the room with the other metal band secured tightly around her left wrist.

"Oh my God!" Derek groaned and scrubbed his face as John stopped and caught his breath.

"I know, she's finally lost it!" John's breath was ragged, pointing at Sarah who was still in her night clothing.

"I'm sorry John, but you left me no choice … I can't lose you to a Succubus." Sarah said determinedly.

"You're completely off your nut!" John yelled. Sarah said nothing, brushing off a piece of lent on her tank top. "Derek, you got to help me." John begged his uncle. Derek looked at John sympathetically, and then to Sarah who looked as if all of this was natural.

"Sarah, come on … handcuffs?" He said after a moment motioning the metal clamps.

"He was spooning the machine, Reese!" Sarah was outraged that Derek was taking sides.

"He was what?!" Derek looked at John in shock.

"Hey, hey, hey, don't you turn this around on me. You handcuffed me to you like some twisted Disney comedy!" John said shaking his hand.

"This is for your own good, John." Sarah was steeled in her resolve.

"You realize I have semester finals today … all day!" John shouted at her.

"That has been taken care of." Sarah sighed. As if on cue Cameron came into the room.

"Sarah, they said that it was okay and that they're … proud of … John." Cameron was distracted by the site of John and Sarah.

"What did you do?" John asked Sarah with a hint of fear.

"Sarah asked me to convince the school that you where going to be participating in a completion for charity today, but you will attend the finals." Cameron was still distracted by the Connors.

"You roped Cameron into this?!" John Jaw was open. Sarah had a smug look on her face.

"I'm sorry John; I didn't know this was her end game." Cameron said still not sure what was going on.

"So let's review … You have, one, Handcuffed yourself to me. Two, tricked Cam into helping you, and now you want to come along with us to our final semester exams?" John was more then a little ticked.

Sarah said nothing as if John had little choice but to follow. Derek observed the quiet moment with a sympathetic sigh.

"Excuse me, John, but the concept of some human rituals escapes me. What is this one called?" Cameron asked puzzled. The quiet moment continued in which anyone with a good eye could see the Teen was again silently surrendering to another one of Sarah Connor's somewhat crazy plans.

"It's called forwarding paychecks to shrinks and losing your dignity, Cam." John sighed.

Derek was beginning to wonder if he would have volunteered for the mission in 2007 if he knew that every morning was going to be like this.

"John, class starts in an hour …" Cameron was docile in tone knowing that John was in extreme embarrassment already and that she had realized that he had do something that would test his wits and fortitude.

John sighed and angrily tugged Sarah with him into his room.

Derek and Cameron shared knowing looks as John was throwing together clothing.

"Umm … John?" Derek said as Sarah sat on his bed and watched.

"Yeah Derek?" John sighed.

"You did take a shower last night?" Derek asked

"No, Why would I …" John stopped and shared a disturbed look with Sarah. "You are going to take these off right now!" John all but yelled at Sarah.

"Good Idea …" Sarah stood up, but then stopped. She looked at Cameron noticing that the cyborg was dressed like she was going out on a date. "You look very nice today, Cameron. What's the occasion?" Sarah asked sweetly. John looked frantic as he tried to motion Cameron to lie.

"Thank you, after the exams John is going to take me to a Christmas themed restraint." Cameron's loving smile was cut short as John covered his eyes in disappointment. Sarah turned to John with an unreadable expression which was a lot scary then the Sarah Connor death glare in his opinion.

"We're going to be late, John …" Sarah dragged him to her room.

"_Why!?" _John asked betrayed as he passed by an apologetic Cameron who handed him his clothing.

***

Thirty minutes later John and Sarah came down the steps.

Both had a fresh smell of scented soap and shampoo. John had a look that was disturbed but passive as if he was in the middle of blocking something out in his head. they walked into the kitchen where Derek ate cereal and Cameron looked a bit guilty.

John had his normal attire of a hooded Jacket, T-shirt and Jeans. But Sarah had on a very pretty sun dress and horn rimmed glasses on. Her hair was in an elegant bun and she looked like she might kill someone. Derek blushed as he couldn't tear is eyes off the naughty librarian version of Sarah Connor.

"Everybody, this is Ms. Luce Connor she is the Director of the charity that I'm competing for, and she's going to be living with us till mom decides that it is time to come back from her vacation to RuinJohnConnor'smentalhealthville." John addressed them through gritted teeth.

"John, this is stupid …" Sarah snapped.

"SO! Until then, this is our roomy!" John tugged Sarah.

"John, are you okay?" Derek asked to humor him, seeing the spark of insanity in his eyes and voice.

"I'm awesome, Derek … so freakin awesome!" John said with frustration. "Let's go to school, I'm psyched!" John tugged Sarah toward the door with Cameron in pursuit.

Derek watched them leave. Then after a moment decided that he might hang around the school for the rest of the day just in case he was needed.

Which he sure would be soon.


	5. Anatomy of a Testing Relationship

**Anatomy of a Testing Relationship**

John cringed at the endless stares from tired students who woke up that cold December morning more willing to believe that Bruce Willis and a band of misfit idiots where going to save the planet from an asteroid then to see the loner weirdo whose angelic twin sister worshiped the ground he walked on arrive in the front of the school handcuffed to one of the hottest woman anyone has seen at there high school.

The office door opened with a cheerful ding that was suppose to bleed a positive feeling to any student or parent that entered in the attempt to make whatever emergency or situation that involved talking to an administrator less stressful.

John Connor just found it annoying as he tugged Sarah along who seemed determined to find the source of the cheerful chirp.

"Welcome to the front office, how can I help you." the woman was an older blond with a cheerful squeaky voice and a gaggle of cat figurines that looked slightly evil.

"Right … Yeah, um, my name is John Baum. I … well my sister called about …" John pieced together his sentence while being distracted by the ladies overzealous use of pink in her wardrobe and her general out look of life at 6:45 in the morning.

He was cut off by the woman engaging in an obnoxiously loud gasping noise that was lasting past the normal amount of time a regular person takes to gasp.

John fixed her with a freaked out look and Sarah turned from her hunt of the mechanical chirp to the woman with a slow turn.

"Ohmygod … it's you!" the woman cued after several more drawn out moments of the "Longest gasp in history". "I think what you're doing is just … is just … so _Peachy_!" the woman's strange cheerfulness like her cats gave off an almost sinister quality.

"And this beautiful woman must be the director!" she squeaked.

"Yes … yes I am." Sarah answered with an English accent to which John rolled his eyes at his mother's u turn from the plan.

"Oh aren't you just precious …" the woman batted her eyes.

"Isn't she …?" John growled pinching Sarah. The woman nodded and began typed on the computer in a very pristine bureaucratic fashion with every click sounding like the ticking of a time bomb.

John growled in pain when Sarah dug a knuckle in his rib. The woman looked up from her typing and John covered with a several coughs to which Sarah patted his back with a sweet smile. The woman tilted her head and wrapped a hand over her fist and placed it under chin and shrugged at the two under the impression that they were the cutest thing she had ever seen, and then went back to the computer.

When Sarah saw her go back to typing she slapped John hard in back with a sweet innocent smile still on her face. John gritted his teeth and glanced at the woman before moving his hand below the counter.

Sarah let out a surprised gasp of pain as her face began to redden. She struggled to respond by moving her bound arm out of eye shot and snatched John by the back of the neck and squeezed.

"_AH Stop IT!!" _John gagged in pain. Sarah let out another surprised gap and turned even redder.

"_John Connor you let go right now!" _ Sarah groaned back in embarrassing pain.

"_You first …" _

"_No, you!"_

"_Quit being childish!" _

"_Quit being inappropriate"_

"_You started it." _

The woman made a several paused clicks that was a tell tale sign she was almost done and when she looked up she met two pleasantly smiling though apple red faces.

"Oh my …" she looked at both Connors worriedly.

"Must be really hot in here." John gulped, airing out his plain white T-shirt. Sarah nodded in agreement.

"Oh, don't I know it … they think because there's a little snow outside they got to turn on the furnace." The woman whispered and ended with a wink to which both Connors returned simultaneously. "Well … here is your slip for the day … and this is for luck." Without warning the woman slapped a cat sticker on John's face nearly knocking him to the ground.

Sarah watched him with an amused grin then stuck her hand out to which the woman placed a placed a cat sticker on her hand gently.

John glared as he rubbed his sparkly purple cat sticker clad face and tugged Sarah away.

"Good luck!" The woman called to John who gave a restrained angry smile back to the woman with Sarah in tow.

As they left the door jingled again stopping Sarah dead in the doorway and observed with a huntress like flair. Then with a violent tug she was whisked out as the door closed. There voices could be heard down the hall.

"_Please get this off me." _

"_Bite down" _

'_Why?" _

_SCRACH_

"_AH SON OF …" _

"_Son of what John?" _

"_Son of a charity director."_

_***_

John didn't need to go to his locker but Sarah had insisted on seeing it and once he opened it, he had to sit through the embarrassment of watching his mother tear through it like a dog digging through a junk yard for a bone.

Sarah was in the middle of reading a paragraph on an old book report, when a blond blur threw it's self into John's personal space.

"Hey Cat Fancy I heard an interesting story about you." Riley winked hitching her bag.

"Oh yeah, which one?" John sighed watching Sarah turned the paper over then tossed it back inside. Riley leaned over and went wide eyed when she saw Sarah.

"Ms. Baum?" She croaked the name, but turned to John for conformation just in case she was hallucinating.

"No this is Luce. She is me and John's roommate." Cameron answered coming out of nowhere. Riley gave Cameron's elegant attire a disgusted look, and then gave John a confused shrug.

"Hello Riley." Sarah sighed as she continued to scavenge John's locker.

"Oh have you to met, because I don't remember you mentioning you've met her, _Luce_." John said poignantly to which Sarah waved her hand dismissively at John.

"Have you guys gone mental … she's your mom." Riley turned toward Cameron and John with a humored voice.

"No mom is on vacation, this is Luce." John corrected as he watched Sarah get absorbed in another essay he wrote.

"No this is yawl's mom." Riley replied as if talking to little children.

"No she's not." Cameron argued.

Yes, she is." Riley gave a challenging glare to Cameron.

"No, she's not." Cameron stepped forward.

Yes, she is." This time Riley took a step forward.

"No, she's not."

"Yes, she is!"

"No …"

"Yes …"

"No"

"Yes"

"Yes"

"No"

"No what?" Cameron asked after shifting gears.

"I don't remember …" Riley trailed off after a moment.

"Huh" Cameron tilted her head and walked off, flashing John a victorious smile before leaving. John smirked lightly watching Riley replaying the argument in her head.

"Come on, Limey, we got a test to take." John bumped Sarah with his shoulder. She closed the locker and followed John.

"You know, it's a good thing your not going to be a writer anytime soon."

"I love you too."

Riley leaned into the lockers a moment replaying the argument before she had caught up to speed.

"She is too!" Riley shouted. But Cameron already disappeared into the classroom.

***

After enduring the wolf whistles and getting use to the stare of an overweight Chola who was dressed in male clothing who seemed to be undressing Sarah in her head. John had to admit that he was on a role when it came to his test. It surprised him how much a confidence builder his mom could be when she was around him.

He gave her a quick glance to find her looking around for anything interesting. He gave her a small discreet loving smile and went back to his test.

***

To say Sarah was bored was an understatement in the least.

It had been so long since Sarah had been in a high school atmosphere, But the more she was there, the more it came flashing back to her.

The cheerleading, the class election, the homecoming court, everything Sarah had forgotten about in the name of protecting John came to her in a rush. In fact though John hadn't realized it yet he would see her in all her teen bopper pride in the future though she was a bit fuzzy on how.

She sighed quietly and looked out the window and observed the cheerleading squad practice a routine. Before she even knew she was doing it, Sarah began critiquing them on the flips and the dance moves.

Sarah was in the middle of wondering when acting like strippers counted as a dance routine, when she caught sight of a girl who Sarah could decipher by her clothing and artificial looks as miss popularity looking over at John's paper.

Sarah nudged John with her elbow. He merely grunted at her and continued his writing. Sarah frowned as the girl began to become liberal with her cheating. She tried again this time harder.

"_Not now." _John grunted not looking at her.

This time Sarah smacked him hard after the patrolling teacher passed.

"_What?!" _ He hissed.

"_There is a cheater behind you." _She hissed back, motioning her head to the girl.

If there was a flaw with Sarah Connor it was the pitch of her voice when she whispered so when John heard Sarah he didn't quiet get the right message.

"_I didn't ask about Cheetos" _John frowned.

"_What …?" _she shook her head in confusion.

There was a small whistling sound and when John turned toward it he saw Cameron who was down several seats in the next row hold up her scratch paper like a sign.

**Are you hungry?**

"_No" _John shook his head. Cameron nodded and went back to work.

"_There is a girl look at your test." _Sarah whispered again.

John flicked his eyes toward the tree in the window a second before looking back at Sarah.

"_Squirrels that are checking your chest out isn't my immediate concern." _He stated flatly and was about to go back to his test when another bird like whistle made him look up.

**You Want Me To Kill It?**

"_No!"_ this time both John and Sarah answered Cameron. She nodded and once again restarted her test.

"Mr. Baum and Ms. Connor is there something you would like to share with the class?" the teacher came up to the couple causing the entire classroom to look up at them.

John and Sarah both shook there heads in unison with the same clueless look that might put John's story that he had just met her in danger.

"Mr. Goodwin" Cameron called from her seat. "There seems to be a lecherous mammal objectifying Ms. Connor's body from the window."

John could've laughed if he thought that Cameron wasn't being serious. The entire class blew up in laughed, causing John to smile and Sarah to hide her red face behind her hands.

"Everyone settle down …" the teacher patted Cameron on the shoulder with a smile as he continued with his patrol. Cameron smiled warmly and gave both the thumbs up before going back to her test.

**Woman in the front office is based on a real person in a front office I had several awkward show downs with (Phantomwriter05 = prankster/bad student in high school years.) **

**The comment about John getting to know preppy Teen!Sarah is a reference to my story 1983 in which there is a sort of paradox created between the two. **


	6. Anatomy of a Lunch Break and Triangles

**This one has a little more Jameron then usual … **

**I also want to dedicate this to Ster *chop shop* on the TSCC fan chat on the Wetpaint Wiki that not only accuses me of being a Jarah shipper but that he hasn't had any fun today … **

***starts to sing Wayne Newton on a parade float***

**Anatomy of a Lunch Break and Love Triangles **

"_Time is an illusion, lunchtime …doubly so." _

_-Ford Prefect _

The cafeteria was crowded more then usual with students as the snow began to fall again. Outside, gathered the California natives who never had experienced snow before during the Christmas season.

As John, Sarah, and Cameron stood in the lunch line, Sarah tried to ignore the endless stares at her finely toned satin covered buttocks that seemed to be alluring to the teens and prompted comments from passer byes with the want to bend her over a desk. Sarah wasn't sure if the people were paying tax dollars for the teachers to be making passes in the hallways.

She turned to look out the window at the snow fall. The flakes seemed to glide down in the wind like tiny ballerinas dancing to the music of Mother Nature. A sense of peace over took her as she watched the show in almost a serene haze.

Then all of the sudden the body of a short freshmen male with a large nose and glasses threw himself into the window. The boy was short and skinny; he had on a white parka that was so big that it looked like the poor kid was in the process of being swallowed by a furry marshmallow monster.

Sarah's eyes went wide then she looked around to see if anyone else was seeing what she was seeing. When she noticed that no one else was watching she turned back to the undersized teen that looked panicked and was slamming on the overly thick glass.

Back in the early nineties during the middle of the brutal gang violence that gripped the city, the school board passed ordnance to install extremely thick bullet proof glass into all of the high school windows. Now nearly twenty years later the ordinance hindered the poor aspiring flute player for the Jewish orchestra from getting help as he pounded furiously on the sound proof glass.

Sarah looked on in horror to the crowded line hoping that someone else noticed anything other then how sexy she looked in a satin sun dress. She was unsuccessful.

When she returned to the glass the boy had his back plastered against the window with his hands up in a surrendering motion. There was a pause before a cascade of Snowballs erupted.

With every hit the boy jolted like an entrance of a gunshot. Turning slowly he made eye contact with Sarah and mouthing the word why as he slid to the ground and out of sight.

Thus was the last stand of Joseph Goldstein.

Sarah blinked several times before John placed a hand on her lower back and pushed her forward gently.

***

The inside of the kitchen where the students get there food was thin and narrow with many of the students being pressed against one another. With this in mind John shifted and put Sarah in front of him so that no one could take the opportunity to feel off his mother.

However he also felt a bit guilty, because John often used this as an opportunity to get as close to Cameron as possible. She wouldn't say anything, but the last couple of weeks she had taken the proximity to her advantage, placing her back against his chest and for a little bit John felt like the two where a normal couple, even though he still couldn't wrap his arms around her.

Now John felt like he was taking one for the team as he was placed awkwardly against Sarah.

Behind the glass an angry lunch lady with a hairnet that was stretched over her egg shaped head so tightly it looked like it was stretching the skin of her forehead to its limit was watching the line of students bitterly.

"Hey Doris how's the food today?" John asked with a Reese boy's like grin that warmed Sarah's heart.

"Read the sign, smart ass" The woman spoke with the blunt force of a grenade launcher. The three members of the Connor family turned to the sign just in the entrance of the small express way.

**PIZZA DAY!**

**(AND YES THE FOOD IS DAMN GOOD!)**

John grinned and shuffled along with the line.

There was commotion ahead and a girl stormed down the line and stopped in front of John who was currently praying that the line would move because he was sure Sarah didn't need to be reminded that he was circumcised.

The girl was the artificial blond that was cheating off his test from earlier. She had on an extremely short skirt and a puffy white sweater.

"You're John Baum, right?" She asked with a bored sigh.

"Yeah …?" He said looking at her. She gave Sarah a measuring look before she looked to a harried John again.

"So … I heard you were like doing some sort of completion for charity." She once again seemed bored. Her tone was annoying Sarah deeply, to her there was nothing not interesting about her son and she was frankly not liking the way people were treating him.

"Your point?" Sarah said angrily. The girl gave a typical spoiled brat look of offense toward the beautiful woman.

"Yes and make it fast." This time Cameron stepped into the conversation with an iced tone.

"What I was going to say before _"Mrs. Cougar Town and her side kick I'm like in love with my brother, because I was born in Kentucky girl"_ interrupted me, is that I think what your doing is like … sort of hot so, I'm totally giving you permission to like, ask me out on like … a coffee date or whatever." The girl grimaced after the end of her clearly refined statement.

"Umm … you know … that's …" John scratched his ear and struggled to find a polite way of saying what he wanted without showing that he was not interested because he was truly in love with Cameron to the dozen of people in the line.

"No … John is not interested in asking you to accompany him on any social engagements." Cameron stated with a cold look of contempt.

The girl sneered at the slightly anti-social angelic beauty in front of her. "Oh yeah and what are going to do about it, _Deliverance_?" the teen snorted with a flip of her hair.

The elegantly dressed young woman tilted her head for a moment, then turned and grabbed a plastic tray from a stack slightly in front of her. Then with a flash of maliciousness she snapped the tray in half.

"This is for you …" Cameron handed the two halves to the dumbstruck rich girl and moved with the lunch line.

John stood next to the blond for a moment in silent pause. "Yeah … I think that about covers it …" John gave a pat to her shoulder and followed the line.

***

If John wasn't embarrassed enough at being stared at with whispers, then he believed at this point, his dignity had ran off to elope with his sanity, as he endured the sight of his mother carrying his food with her like he was three.

They approached a table next to an outside exit that Sarah had directed them two.

"Hey, Cat fancy that was some test, huh?" Riley said bumping into John with her shoulder. The appearance of the pretty blond prompted Sarah and Cameron to trade dark glares.

"Yeah, had me on the ropes there toward the end." John commented grabbing a chair from a stack on the wall. Cameron lagged behind to check the Christmas decorated dinning hall for any threats.

John placed the chair behind Sarah for her to sit, and in a gentlemanly gesture pushed the chair in to the table, causing her to smile up at him. Riley collected a chair and dragged it loudly across the circular lunch table.

Cameron, spotting that John wouldn't be able to reach the stack of plastic chairs due to the handcuffs and sprang into action to help her best friend. "John, here is a seat."

Just as Riley was about to sit on the chair, Cameron moved it out of the way, causing Riley's butt to hit air and the teen to collapse onto the floor.

John shot Sarah a reproachful glare when he heard her slightly join in with the rest of the cafeteria in laughing. The teen pulled herself up onto her knees with the support of the table.

"Sorry, Riley" Cameron said with her trade mark ghost of a smile.

"Sure you are …" She grunted and got to her feet.

After several minutes everyone settled and began to organize there food.

Cameron placed a plate with two slices of pizza in front of John to which he smiled. Sarah caught the action and took a slice from the tray in front of her and placed it in front of him also. The action caused John to lift an eyebrow and Cameron to frown.

"So … uh … why two slices, Cam?" John asked with a clear of his throat trying to clean out the angry tension at the table.

"You need the extra energy …" Cameron stated taking a bite out one of the pizza slices and then sticking it close to John's lips. He took a bite and chewed as Cameron in turn took anther bite.

Suddenly John felt like someone was walking over his grave. With a turn of his head, John looked at a furious Sarah and a jealous Riley who where watching John and Cameron sharing food like an old married couple in public.

John cleared his throat again and turned back to his plate. "So, uh … why the need for this extra boost, Chemistry isn't that hard." John once again tried to clear the puck so to speak.

"The _boost _isn't for chemistry …" Cameron gave him a private smile. John locked eyes with her as if she was the only person in the room, then a stupid grin grew on his face.

The sound of a tray slamming on the table harshly broke the moment. Both looked to different spots on the table. Then cautiously John met murderous green eyes.

"Sorry …" He winced and looked down.

Sarah huffed at the apology and crossed her arms and looked away. "Eat your food, John." She said angrily.

Quick heavy foot falls sounded and a messy haired Hispanic kid decked out in black walked up to the table.

"Oh my god … it's true!" The kid looked Sarah over with excitement.

"Morris … MORRIS!" John called to the young man who was seemed to be transfixed by the beauty of the woman who raised him.

The youth jumped at John's voice. "Sorry … you're just really ho … gorgeous" He stuttered.

"Thank you" Sarah felt some what flattered as she liked to be complemented on her looks every once in awhile.

Morris went and got a chair, but knocked down the pile clumsily, and then he tripped over the chair legs. John face palmed as the teen made it back to the table falling over himself.

After a moment he turned the chair around and mounted it, trying to be cool for Sarah. John just shook his head and began to eat.

"My name … I mean people call me …. Well … Morris ... my name is Morris." The teen struggled as he tried to greet a smiling Sarah who seemed to transfix him.

"Hello Morris …" Sarah nodded lounging a bit in her seat and watched John eat.

"I'm John's best friend." He stated which earned him a warmer smile from Sarah, but glares from the teenage females sitting at the table. "_One_, of John's best friends." He corrected himself to which the glares disappeared.

After some awkward silence Riley spoke. "So I was thinking movies, this weekend." She looked at John.

"Oh, yeah that sounds good, just no slasher films this time." John said with chuckle.

"You're such a light weight, John boy. I swear if there is a killer after you, I'll use my spooky ninja skills to defend you … and you can be the one to run from the murderer topless" she said playfully. John laughed at the comment.

Cameron watched the exchange with a small flash of jealousy at the easy relationship he had with Riley, while she and John always had to fight for even just a little time to be together alone.

"So, you and John just met?" Morris asked Sarah nervously trying to keep his eyes trained from wondering to Sarah's body.

Suddenly Cameron saw her opening to throw a wrench in Riley's intrusion into her and John's budding relationship.

"No, she and John showered together this morning …" Cameron stated casually biting into a slice of pizza.

The sound of Chocolate milk spraying out of the future hero of humanity's nose caught the attention of everyone.

"Ohmygod, dude, you're my fucking hero!" Morris all but yelled at John who was still reeling from the comment.

John turned to Riley who had a horrified look on her face as she flicked between thunder struck John and a surprisingly passive Sarah who was looking for something out the window.

"Riley, that is not true …" John said to the girl with a shake of his head.

"Riley, its true." Cameron said with a sympathetic look and a nod.

John began to laugh somewhat hysterically. "Cameron is just messing with you …"

"No, I'm not … and the shower was small …" She sipped some of John's milk.

"She's just joking … right, Cam?" John nudged the brown eyed girl.

"No" she said pleasantly.

"Dude, man up this is like … epic!" Morris was acting like an immigrant on a boat looking at the Statue of Liberty for the first time.

"Dude, not now!" John begged him. "Cameron tell her you're joking." He ordered

"No"

"Cameron …"

"I will not lie about something like this"

"Say it"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes!"

"No, John"

There exchange was halted when everyone at the table turned to Sarah who hadn't touched her pizza slices. She exchanged looks with Cameron and was in quiet pondering. While Sarah deliberated what to say John stuffed pizza in his mouth bitterly.

Sarah had understood Cameron's goal in dragging out this mornings incidents, but hadn't agreed with the way the machine was handling of the situation, so she kept silent during the accusation and fallout. But then after some thought on it, she realized how easy there lives would be with out Riley hugging on to her boy's ankles.

So, in a rare happening that would not be seen till several years in the future when another baby boy with the last name of Connor is born, Sarah agreed with Cameron's methods.

"John is really talented with a loofa." Sarah smiled fondly.

John began to choke on his pizza.

He was living his worst nightmare, not only was his mother with him in high school, she and Cameron of all people were tag teaming against him.

Morris raised his hand in silent awe waiting for his friend to high-five him. But John was a little bit busy hacking on his pizza.

After a moment of back slapping from Sarah he finally swallowed the pizza.

With a look of terror he turned to Riley who seemed to be munching on a salad with a thoughtful look on her face.

"You know, John, that's cool … I mean it's a bit weird, but you know … we all are eclectic or whatever." Riley shrugged with a smile.

"Say what!?" Cameron burst out in unmachine like shock and alarm. Everyone turned to the cyborg with looks of confusion.

Suddenly the exit door flew open and Derek Reese dressed in his normal army green jacket and scarf sprang inside with a familiar freshman boy that looked like a Jewish State Puff Marshmallow Man draped over his shoulder. He ducked as a spray of snowballs flew inside.

"You goddamn barbarians!" Derek shouted outside then quickly shut the door as another volley of snowballs pounded the door. With a relived sigh he placed Goldstein on the ground and then gave a pat to his shoulder and approached the round table.

Sarah's face lit up a little when he took a knee between her and Morris. "It's a war zone out there." he sighed brushing some snow off the front of him to which Sarah helped.

"Dude, Derek, what are you doing here?" John said looking around the cafeteria. Making sure no one of consequence noticed him.

"She called me …" Derek motioned to Sarah next to him. Everyone glanced at Sarah.

"What … me and Derek always eat lunch together." Sarah said sliding a plate of pizza toward him to which both adults took a slice and began to eat with Derek's elbow laying comfortably on Sarah's thigh.

"So what are we talking about?" Derek asked with his mouthful.

"Riley, condones John and Sarah bathing together." Cameron spoke with bitter laced words.

Derek frowned in confusion. "Who …?" He asked. Morris nudged him and pointed the blond who had her arms in the air in a defensive manner. "Oh … her." he glared slightly. He turned to Sarah who seemed to be lost in thought. "No comment …" he grunted.

"Hey you need to get out of here … we could get into trouble if someone catches you." John reprimanded his uncle.

"Screw that, you know that I had to literally crawl through a snow trench for cover just to get in here." Derek pointed the slice at his nephew like a chastising finger. John scowled and began to wipe away the spilled milk.

"Ms. Connor …" an Australian voice called toward the table.

"_Just what I needed…" _Derek mumbled and looked down as an attractive Asian female in a pant suit walked up to the table. Sarah looked up and smiled cautiously.

"Hi, I'm one of the councilors here at the school." Jesse shook Sarah's hand.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Sarah nodded.

A look of nervousness played across all of the children at the table except Morris who was wondering if he had ever been surrounded by this many hot women in his entire life.

Jesse gave the very comfortable closeness of Derek and Sarah an enraged flash. "I have to say that I'm a fan of your charity … though I'm having a little trouble remembering what that was?" She asked with a cross of her arms.

There was an immediate dislike between the two women. Sarah caught the jealous flash in the councilor's eyes.

"Maybe you should pick up a brochure then …?" Sarah shot passive aggressively intertwining her hand with Derek's and placing them higher on her thigh. Derek went red but stayed low.

Jesse silently accepted the beautiful woman's challenge; she stalked up to Morris and motioned him to beat it with dangerous eyes that Riley flinched at. The young Latino took off mouthing congratulations to a tense John.

"_Shit …" _Derek muttered as he was now in between two woman that where in his life though there was only one he loved.

There was a silent sizing up moment before Jesse shot first. "That is quite a dress you have on …" Sarah lifted an eyebrow at the comment.

"Just trying to make an impression." She shot back.

"Well, you have … though I'm not sure it's one that you want the reputation for." Jesse said with a pleasant condescending smile.

"Hey, God, made some of us to where dresses … there is always _pant suites_ for everyone else, I guess?" Sarah shrugged smugly. Jesse looked like she had just been bitch slapped just as hard as she hits Riley.

She turned her glare to Derek who was tracing circles on the table.

"I'm sorry I don't believe we've met?" Jesse addressed the man still on his knees. Derek looked up and tried to find the words.

"This is Derek; he's my body guard … amongst other things." Sarah tilted her head directing his captured hand a little further between her legs. Derek looked like he might blend in with an apple barrel.

"I didn't think that a charity director took fire." Jesse looked like it was taking everything in her power not to strangle Sarah.

"Why, you gonna take a shot?" Sarah asked with a knowing smile and a shake of her head.

Both women gave silent passive aggressive smiles to one another, while Derek looked like he had his foot planted on a land mine.

The school bell rang and those in the cafeteria stood up and began to walk to the exits. Both Jesse and Sarah didn't move a muscle. Then finally John pulled on the handcuffs and Sarah relented and let go of Derek's hand.

Jesse stood up and walked away with an angry glare. As Cameron collected the trays Sarah snatched Derek up by the collar and pulled him close and put her lips almost in inside his ear.

"_Don't think I don't know who that is … and here is another fact, it's me or her, not both … you understand me!" _She hissed angrily. But before John could pull her behind him Derek snatched her arm.

"Right back at you … I'm not going to fight for silver behind some widower paramedic, do you understand me?" He growled locking eyes with her.

After a moment he let go of Sarah and walked out of the hall.

He gave Sarah something to think about for John's next class.

**Sorry things got a little serious there at the end, but I do tend to stray there from time to time. Just laying the ground work for the sequel. **

**I would like to give a shout out to Fig-Aruna's cousin who served as inspiration for Morris … so if you're out there blood relation of Figgy then … thank you for being the stereotypical male. ;)**

**The sign and angry lunch lady are real things I use to and still do on occasion have to put up with at the campus cafe. **

**The mention of the future birth of another baby boy with a Connor last name is left up to interoperation as to if Cameron or Sarah is the mother and if John or Derek is the father. Like I said just laying down the ground work. **

**To pull the curtain back a bit … Phillips Anatomy takes about two days to write, but it takes awhile to plan and come up with the funny gags. **


	7. Anatomy of a Principle

**Anatomy of a Principle**

There was little that interested Principle Schroeder in life.

It wasn't that he didn't have his passions, but in the end there was very little that interested the forty something rail thin balding man.

When he was in college, he thought he could take the world of education by storm. His dreams where to be serenaded by standing students on desks who called to him while leaving _"Oh Captain, my Captain" _(He loved that movie).

But now twenty years later his school is scored as one of lowest in the city and their were rumors of multiple student and teacher affairs with one that had even ended with a dead cheerleader.

Alfred Schroeder feared that the only thing that people would serenade him on top of desks were angry parents with calls for his lynching.

The sad mood this generally good man was in only doubled as he stared bleakly down the hallway to the chemistry lab were a green gas like substance began leaking through the crack of the door.

A "why me" look played across his face before the door slammed open with a bang leaking more of a steady stream of gas out of the lab.

Suddenly a teenage boy no older then sixteen dressed in a plain white t-shirt, jeans, and a hooded Jacket slid out of the room and made a mad dash toward the Principle.

What caught the eye of the school administrator was the fact that the teen had a very beautiful raven haired woman in a sexy silk sun dress tossed over his shoulder as he ran.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!" The young man cursed under his breath as he ran by, not giving a glance to his superior instructor. The administrator turned and watched a clearly annoyed look cross the green eyes of the woman tossed over his shoulder that had to be in her very early thirties to late twenties. She gave a disapproving huff as they turned a corner.

Then out the door slid another teen, this time it was a female. The girl wore a lacy flowing white dress that played off her sun kissed skin beautifully and her dark brown hair was curled to perfection. Schroeder felt ashamed as he watched the brown eyed Angel come toward him, already in love with her despite the fact that she was one of his students.

When the girl spotted the administrator, she skidded to a stop and started to walk at a quick pace, but civilly.

"Afternoon, sir" she smiled a warm adorable smile that melted the man out of his loafers. When she assumed that she was in a safe distance from the head administrator she ran again with the sound of her black leather boots clacking on the bage tiles.

When he turned to look at her, she stopped running and walked giving him another gorgeous smile. Suddenly from around the corner a familiar jacket sleeve yanked her into cover.

Schroeder stood in the hall contemplating the situation as green gas began to settle around his ankles like a fog machine through the hallway.

Then suddenly there was a roaring explosion from the chemistry lab.

***

Sarah Connor didn't understand why she had to be at the bottom of the family totem pole.

On the ground Sarah lay flat, pinned by John who had thrown himself on top to protect her. Sarah wouldn't have complained seeing as how this was the closest they had come to a real honest hug in months.

But the problem was that Cameron had in turn thrown her not as slender as it looks ballerina figure on John for protection, which in turn made Sarah sympathize with every NFL running back that had ever been in a dog pile.

The ground shook violently from the expected lab explosion, a crackling sound followed it.

The shock of the explosion jumbled the Connors. Suddenly Sarah found her back to the wall with John's head in her lap and Cameron's legs tangled with John's and her head on his chest.

There was a quiet pause between the three as they checked each other to see if everyone was alright.

"Wow …" Cameron said in small human like shock. John nodded his head in agreement scooting next to Sarah, both touching shoulders.

John unconsciously pulled Cameron into his lap after untangling legs, while Sarah leaned her head on John's shoulder.

As the three sat huddled closely in an unspoken bonding moment the sound of purposeful boots stormed toward them.

Being shadowed by a feminine silhouette the three looked up at the intruder of the Kodak family moment.

It was a blue eyed girl whose blond hair was frazzled in a shocked afro. Her hoody, blue tank top, short shorts, and spandex leggings where crusted with green and red ice.

"BTW … spoiler alert, your Christmas ice blew the freak up!" Riley yelled at the three of them.

***

There was one place John didn't want to be and that was sitting in the waiting area of the principles office. But like Cameron continuously misquotes, if wishes where dishes …

"_Damn It, she's got me saying it now …!" _John frowned

If the angry tension of the two females he was between wasn't enough, the fact that the cat obsessed serial killer –esque secretary from earlier was now humming a tune from a animated Disney film only adding to the irritation of the older of the two females next to him.

John was also convinced that Cameron, who herself had forced the entire family to watch all of the Disney animated classics every night for the last two weeks was humming along with her in a encouraging manner, which he figured was a subtle machine way of aging on his mom's temper.

After _Once Upon a Dream, _Sarah finally snapped.

"Oh, what, no animal friends …?" She asked with a biting sarcastic tone. John snorted at the comment.

"No … there at home cleaning house." Cameron said offhandedly. John broke a proud pirate grin at her sarcastic comeback.

Sarah didn't look amused at all at her _Children's _behavior.

"I can't believe you were so stupid as to try to do some complicated chemical project like your _"Christmas ice" _with high school level equipment!" Sarah chastised Cameron leaning across John.

"The instructor said to impress him …" Cameron said looking at John to back her up with puppy dog eyes.

"I don't know, Cam … you could've done something simpler?" He replied to her look with a slight chastising voice. Sarah had a look of smugness to her, shooting Cameron a victorious glare.

"Oh … so I did a bad thing?" Cameron spoke with a soft hurt voice like John had slapped her and called her ugly while insulting her cooking which she had slave over all day to make.

"_Be strong Connor, she's playing games …" _

John gritted his teeth and looked to Sarah who gave him a _**"You desert me and I'll force you to shower with me for the rest of your life." **_Look. John gulped and turned to Cameron whose innocent eyes were pained as she looked at her hands in soul crushing sadness.

"_Don't give in." _

"Look I didn't say you did anything wrong … just you could've done something age appropriate." John sighed at himself. "Plus the whole Christmas ice thing was very heart warming idea, which fits with the season …" John smiled roughly at the angelic girl who lightened up immediately.

"_Who am I?"_

Sarah rounded on John with outrage at the codling.

"You're taking her side on this?" Sarah growled in disbelief at her son's weakness.

"_What can I say? Cameron is like a walking Jedi mind trick."_

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm not taking anyone's sides … I'm Swiss in this" John gestured with hands in the air in a defensive manner.

Cameron gave him a confused tilt of her head at the comment.

"But Connor is Irish …?" She frowned at her best friend. John gave a light chuckle.

"No … it's a expression meaning that I'm neutral." He scoffed and sat back. Cameron nodded after a moment of processing.

"Thank you for explaining." She said with a smile to which he smiled back, the two locked eyes intimately for a moment.

Seeing the action Sarah turned her gaze to the secretary who looked to be in tears at the sight in front of her to which she believed to be true love.

"Sonofbitch and a hamster!" John growled at a well placed heel that stomped on the young hero's sneaker clad foot.

Tearing up slightly, John turned and stared at an indifferent Sarah. "You're a monster." He said with a small whimper as she removed her foot.

The group sat in silence for a moment or two as John futilely blew on his throbbing foot.

"John … what country would you say I am?" Cameron asked pensively.

"Huh" John grunted curiously at the quarry.

"How about Nazi Germany …" Sarah quipped with out flick at her victim.

"Well kiss my grits … the waitress can read." Cameron spoke with an unmachine like mocking of the green eyed beauty with a campy southern accent.

Sarah's face flashed with a murderous danger to which John immediately restrained her before she blew up on Cameron.

"Alright … you two aren't allowed to talk to each other anymore, alright … you sit there in silence and you sit there in silence." John suddenly felt like the only adult in the room.

Both females turned away from each other in huffs. John sighed and sank back in his chair further.

"John …?" Sarah turned her head.

"Yeah …?"

"Can you inform Satan's whore that she is a soul feeding menace to this family and that the only way she would be useful is if we needed her to go undercover as a prostitute?"

"… No"

"John …?"

"Yes … Cam?"

"Can you inform Sarah that she's a Psychotic, overbearing, dictator with delusions of godhood?"

"I think you know the answer to that."

"Ex-cuse me, who's overbearing?" Sarah snapped, rounding on the pretty teen with a lean over her son.

"I'm talking about the only female in this family who actually acts like a teenage girl." Cameron spoke with a emotionless voice despite leaning over John challenging the older woman with her face inches from the former.

"I don't act like a teenage girl." Sarah shot back.

"Who else in our house locks themselves in their room, when they don't get their way?" Cameron asked with a deadpan. Sarah glared bitterly at her surrogate daughter a moment before turning to the only third party in the room.

John, who had been trying to ignore the women arguing in right front of his face, flicked back and forth in fright as the two combatants turned toward him.

"Please … don't invade Switzerland." John shook his head at his mother.

"Sorry baby … war was over before it started, now give us an answer." Sarah said evenly.

He sighed pensively and scratched his cheek looking at his mother, who was daring him to take his friends side in the matter.

"Well … Mom, you are susceptible to tantrums … every … two or three days … at a time." He answered carefully as navigating a narrow mind field.

John knew the minute he was done that not only had he stepped on a mine, but in fact triggered a chain reaction that had set off the whole field.

"We were a defenseless nation and you dragged us into the hell of war!" John announced in a accusing tone seeing the silent rage in Sarah's eyes.

Sarah shook her head at her child and stroked his cheek a moment to calm him.

"John, its okay I want to thank you for your honesty." Sarah smiled.

"Look I was just … wait what?" John was stuttering in defense of his statement when he stopped and processed his mother's words. "Really?" he said trading a suspicious look with Cameron.

"Really" Sarah nodded.

Just then door opened and Schroeder appeared. The man was still covered head to toe in green and red crystal like ice.

"Enter" He said in an unmotivated voice.

Cameron complied immediately and walked into the office. Sarah nudged John with the handcuffs. He stood and turned to follow the toned woman inside when he stopped.

"Why with the thank you?" John said with suspicion. Sarah smiled and turned to John and grabbed his hand.

"Because, without your glaring bias toward the Metal, I wouldn't have gained a reliable back scrubber in the shower tomorrow." Sarah grinned sadistically and dragged John inside the room.

"_I hate my life." _

***

The office was immensely quiet as the principle stared emptily at the group of people who looked awkwardly back, everyone that is except Cameron, who was busy watching with interest as upper classman ran in fear from a smaller Jewish kid in an oversized parka who was chasing them with a stolen snow plow out the window.

"I'm 45 years old …" Schroeder stated simply and out of the blue. John and Sarah nodded with humored some what goofy faces.

"I've been married twice; both of my wives have left me for hunky actors." He spoke solemnly. Both Connors traded looks but nodded along once again.

"There is a hold on funding from the state because of the number of kids dropping out to join the Hollywood circus …" he continued looking more blank and emotionless then Cameron.

Cameron pealed her eyes away from the screaming teens that fled from the vengeance thirsty Joseph Goldstein and raised a hand to speak which was swatted down by John with a discreet shake of his head not seeing what Cameron was.

"But after that artic explosion that now covers half of the second floor of the school; I have learned something important …" the man gained something in his eyes that had semblance to a whirlwind of insanity and purpose.

"I hope it doesn't involve cops …" Sarah said to which John and a now alert Cameron leaned forward and glared at her silently. Sarah shrugged in response to the dirty looks.

"Yes, but not the kind that patrols these lands." He spoke distractedly as if something was breaking out of his soul like a chick out of an egg. He suddenly looked to the sky as if his destiny was scribbled on the ceiling.

Everyone looked at him a moment with deep seated confusion, then turned there heads to the ceiling to maybe catch a glance at what he was looking at.

"I know my calling now …" he said with a heroic conviction in his tone and an unshakable courage in his voice.

In the quiet silence of awe-inspiring confusion there was a long drawn out gasp from outside which only added to the already growing insanity that Sarah, her baby, and her wardwere being thrown headlong into.

Then with out warning Schroeder jumped onto his desk with a cry.

"So if you want to blow up this school … I say go ahead!" He yelled at Cameron kicking papers in the air.

The door to his office opened with an unceremonious thud.

"Good lord woman!" Derek Reese yelled back at the front desk trying to clear his ears of the ear popping gasp, while rubbing a red hand print plastered over a sparkly pink cat sticker on his cheek.

The clearly cracked principle jumped down off his desk and grabbed the now snow caked green trench coat of Derek's.

"Do it! Pull the triggers you maniacs, because I don't care, I'm needed elsewhere!" He yelled at Derek a moment before rushing to the front desk of the main office, grabbing a stack of papers out of a filing bin and tossed them in the air.

"Goodbye Hotel California, Hello Canadian Mounted Police!" He shouted disappearing through the door giving it one last chipper beep that made Sarah tense a second.

There was a shocked silence from everyone still left in the room as they tried to find a way to coupe with what they just saw.

SCHREECH

"Damn, Sarah … you and your hobbies." Derek shook his head at her as he rubbed his cheek painfully, tossing the pink kitty to the floor.

Sarah tossed her hands in the air defensively.

"All in favor of John and Cameron getting Home Schooled say, I" John announced.

"I" the entire family said at once.

After several more moments the Connor's got up and walked out the door to which it gave a chipper chirp.

Sarah stopped and stayed behind with a deadly curious look to the ceiling, seeking her unspoken antagonist.

As the door began to swing closed a pair of army green trench coat clad arms wrapped themselves around her toned smooth stomach and pulled the sexy green eyed woman out of the doorway.


End file.
